he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
