I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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