So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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