I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
