I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i believe in u and ur pee
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
