I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize