The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
