Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
