didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
