Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
