Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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