after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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