hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
