I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
