this beer tastes like vomit already
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
