I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
