that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize