hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
