I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
