easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
