It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
