I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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