I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
