You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
