these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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