Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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