Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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