oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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