I wanna passion pit in your ass
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
