paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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