Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think i got beer on your cat.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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