Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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