just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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