If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
