is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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