you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
