sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't turn off my feet"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
