so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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