Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
