I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
