You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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