Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize