I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.