I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
