Duck Duck Cougar?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
