I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
