We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
