wanna go halves on a baby?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
