I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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