Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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