Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
