Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
