got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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