You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
