come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
