I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
