he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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