Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
