I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family