Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part