i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.