well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you