please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize