My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid