Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?