Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
