Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
