its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
