My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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