as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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