I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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