I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
