I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were destined to go to rehab together
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
