It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
